A new chapter in my life is about to start. I am ending this chapter on a weird note. I am seeing people for what they really are, not just pretending to be.

Oh well 500 yards of shit but clean on the other side sounds pretty good right now.

So tagged me and now I got home work so

Mood: Tired
Listening to: My Daily Brew of Metal
Reading: These lines, oh & lables on foods more closely
Watching: Adult Swim, gigiddy, gigiddy.

Nine firsts
-first best friend:Isreal
-first imaginary friend: Ingales & caca (brothers)
-first pet's name:Tea-e-tat (ala tweet bird)
-first piercing: nose (accidental)
-first crush: Belinda,... I don't remeber her last name.
-first CD: Soundgarden "Superunknown"
-first car: toyota pickup (never worked) 83' Ford F-150 (first working)
-first school: West elementy (Mercedes, Texas)
-first kiss: Michelle

Nine lasts
-last time you smoked:months ago, a cuban in Mexico
-last food you ate: Bacon & egg taco, (thanks Chris)
-last car ride: here (ditto)
-last movie you watched: wanna say fight club, but probably Princess bride.
-last phone call: my Rep, to bitch him out
-last bubble bath you took: I was poor so it was when I was 8 & in the pool with dish soap.
-last song you listened to: Kanye West, Jesus Walks. good song good video.
-last fight: Last night, With the bliss that is marriage

Eight have you ever...
Dated your best friend: yeah, my wife..
Been arrested: nope
Skinny Dipped: does sex in a pool count?
Been on TV: yeah, hit by a car
Kissed someone and regretted it: no, yeah michelle
Cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend: Yes
Been on a blind date: no
Been out of the country: Around here, Mexico doesn't count as another country. (ditto)

Seven things you are wearing...
Shoes (docs)
black wife beater
Brown Pants
black socks
Striped Shirt
Chones
headphones,

Six things you've done today...
1. woke
2. showered
3. worked
4. moved a punching bag
5. drove here
6. ate the aformentioned bacon & egg taco

Five favourite things
1. Heavy Metal
2. Toys
3. Helping people
4. thinking I'm better than everyone
5. Knowing I'm better than everyone

Four people you trust the most
1. My mom
2.
3.
4. the voice in my head

Three choices
1. Yes
2. No
3. WTF?

Two things you want to do before you die...
1. Repay my mom & dad for everything
2. Be a good father..

One person you want to see...
1. The kid I don't have yet, other than that, I can wait

and now, i tag.....

Ok, so self discovery turned out to be little more than just a couple rants. For the first time since I can remember I am happy dammit. I think it may because I just needed to do some work for the sake of the love of it, not just the pay check. You can start to hate anything if your getting paid for it. Anyway, life has just seemed to be a little better for me, my little piece of heaven is my rental 3/2 house I rent, my 51" HD, Hundreds of toys I collect, and most of all the woman who only recenlty became my fiance. I had the chance to pick up the camera recently & I loved it. It is fun & treaputic all at the same time. I wanted to make note of today, the day I felt at peace & decided it was all worth it after all.

Ok, I think I have enough ideas to make it happen I series of pieces, expressing the collapse in formalites and exposing of realites. I will attempt to do at least one a week & only spend 10 mins a piece. I think I going to do a 100 step program, I know it sounds like alot, but it will keep me busy but I envision printing them out and making a huge collage 10x10 pieces. I think of it as a diary with a purpose hopefully at the end I will run out things to say, or die either way it will be intresting.

Why, God, why, I know now I mean nothing, Let me sink into a vat of crap and feed the worms that come to gorge on body. What the hell did I ever do deserve this crap. I can't belive this is happening to me.

I have never felt lower in my life someone has stolen the only thing I thought no one could ever take. My talent the Guy I used to work for got a job with a million dollar company, based on the streangth of my designs. I was fine with that, He got thousands, I never got paid for my work. But now I found out this Bastard Won not one but two industry awards with my designs.


God I don't know If I wanna Kill or just fucking Die..